Saturday, October 23, 2010

Crazy Mind

I think that most people will think that I’m some crazy weirdo girl after I say this, because just thinking it makes me think so. But nonetheless I will tell you guys what is on my mind.

I live in three worlds.
The first is my crazy, wild and fun world. At night, during the day and morning I think about what a wish my life could be. This life is one where I party, drink and just be wild. I imagine myself hooking up with tons of random people, because in this world that seems to be the norm. When I imagine this life I see myself totally different than I am now. Here I have confidence, and don't care what others think of me. When I imagine myself living like this I don't think I wish I could, I just do whatever I want.

The second dream or world I live in is a place where I am very much like myself only better. I don't think about partying till all hours of the night, but I think about having that one guy who loves me. The guy who doesn't mind the times I want to say home and just watch TV, the one that will let me just stay with him without having to have sex, or do anything I don't want to do. In this fantasy I am funny, smart and outgoing. Able to keep track of the world and my on goings. What I think is most important is that here I have friends, real friends. The kind that actually talk to you or invite you to do things.

But of course I live in the third and most boring world. Here I am as self conscience as possible. The girl who never speaks out. At school I don't allow for my voice to be heard. In real life I am the girl who has nothing to do on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday night. How pathetic is it that all I do is sit in my bed and come up with fantasies of how I wish my life was. The few people who I do call friends I only talk to at school. By that I mean I have one friend who I sit and eat lunch with and that is the only time we talk.

I think I’ll write another post later because there are so many things I want to say.

2 Comments:

Blogger Rezden said...

I know how it is. I was like this for most of high school. It actually took someone younger than me to break me out of "shell." I saw that he had done it and just followed his lead. With every new world, there are always new issues. Looking forward to more.

October 23, 2010 at 8:58 AM  
Blogger BeautifulDisaster said...

You're cute.
Live on darling.

Life is your dream.

October 25, 2010 at 8:11 AM  

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