Crazy Mind
I think that most people will think that I’m some crazy weirdo girl after I say this, because just thinking it makes me think so. But nonetheless I will tell you guys what is on my mind.
I live in three worlds.
The first is my crazy, wild and fun world. At night, during the day and morning I think about what a wish my life could be. This life is one where I party, drink and just be wild. I imagine myself hooking up with tons of random people, because in this world that seems to be the norm. When I imagine this life I see myself totally different than I am now. Here I have confidence, and don't care what others think of me. When I imagine myself living like this I don't think I wish I could, I just do whatever I want.
The second dream or world I live in is a place where I am very much like myself only better. I don't think about partying till all hours of the night, but I think about having that one guy who loves me. The guy who doesn't mind the times I want to say home and just watch TV, the one that will let me just stay with him without having to have sex, or do anything I don't want to do. In this fantasy I am funny, smart and outgoing. Able to keep track of the world and my on goings. What I think is most important is that here I have friends, real friends. The kind that actually talk to you or invite you to do things.
But of course I live in the third and most boring world. Here I am as self conscience as possible. The girl who never speaks out. At school I don't allow for my voice to be heard. In real life I am the girl who has nothing to do on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday night. How pathetic is it that all I do is sit in my bed and come up with fantasies of how I wish my life was. The few people who I do call friends I only talk to at school. By that I mean I have one friend who I sit and eat lunch with and that is the only time we talk.
I think I’ll write another post later because there are so many things I want to say.
I live in three worlds.
The first is my crazy, wild and fun world. At night, during the day and morning I think about what a wish my life could be. This life is one where I party, drink and just be wild. I imagine myself hooking up with tons of random people, because in this world that seems to be the norm. When I imagine this life I see myself totally different than I am now. Here I have confidence, and don't care what others think of me. When I imagine myself living like this I don't think I wish I could, I just do whatever I want.
The second dream or world I live in is a place where I am very much like myself only better. I don't think about partying till all hours of the night, but I think about having that one guy who loves me. The guy who doesn't mind the times I want to say home and just watch TV, the one that will let me just stay with him without having to have sex, or do anything I don't want to do. In this fantasy I am funny, smart and outgoing. Able to keep track of the world and my on goings. What I think is most important is that here I have friends, real friends. The kind that actually talk to you or invite you to do things.
But of course I live in the third and most boring world. Here I am as self conscience as possible. The girl who never speaks out. At school I don't allow for my voice to be heard. In real life I am the girl who has nothing to do on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday night. How pathetic is it that all I do is sit in my bed and come up with fantasies of how I wish my life was. The few people who I do call friends I only talk to at school. By that I mean I have one friend who I sit and eat lunch with and that is the only time we talk.
I think I’ll write another post later because there are so many things I want to say.
posted by sunnyshadow at
8:20 AM
2 Comments:
I know how it is. I was like this for most of high school. It actually took someone younger than me to break me out of "shell." I saw that he had done it and just followed his lead. With every new world, there are always new issues. Looking forward to more.
You're cute.
Live on darling.
Life is your dream.
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