Sunday, October 31, 2010


I love when its quite enough for me to hear the train whistle, from five miles away.
It seems as though the whole world is quite for that brief moment just for me.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Today I had to do probably the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in class. But first I think I'll list some embarrassing things I've had to do in class, or have happened to me at school. And let me say their have been a lot.
  • Having to get up in class to sing and dance to a made song based off of Romeo Juliet
  • Play ride that pony, with a Priest
  • Trip down the bleachers during an assembly
  • saying orgasm instead of organism
  • late to class so a ran in and sat down in my seat then noticed i had walked into the wrong classroom
  • having pad wrapper stuck to my shoe
But today had to be one of the most embarrassing moments ever.
In science we started to do little labs on dealing with pressure, volume and temperature. The first lab had two balloons and an empty 2 liter soda bottle.  So i thought that we were just going to be put baking soda and vinegar in the bottle to watch the balloon expand. But boy was i wrong. The two boys in my group had the instructions so i wasn't able to read them. I was writing down the homework and when i turned around i saw everyone in my group with their FINGER ON THEIR NOSE.  No! I hate nose-goes. But i didn't know why they didn't want to do the lab.  Here's why the instructions were
Place balloon inside the bottle, stretch the top of the balloon over the mouth of the bottle, now place mouth on bottle and blow the balloon up inside of the bottle. The whole time i did this everyone in class was staring at me. The boys at my table were making jokes about me having to blow, how it was good practice, and blahh. Not only did they fun of me because i had to blow but i couldn't get the balloon over the tip of the bottle. Great more sex jokes directed at me.

This is how the bottle looked except it was bigger.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Old Friend

For some reason last week I thought about my friend from middle school Andy. The three years i was in middle school my relationship with Andy changed quite alot. I only have two memories of Andy from sixth grade, one is really embarrassing the other not so much. My first memory of Andy is him coming up to me and asking me why i stared at his friend so much. Of course that friend was Danny, but just thinking about how he said that to me make me blush and become nervous. The other memory of him in sixth grade was him standing on the side of the basketball court asking me and Danny to let him play a game Danny and i were playing. It wasn't till seventh grade that i really got to notice Andy.  He and i had most of our classes together like i did with most kids. But the story of us is really funny. Andy sat in front of me in math class, one day he pulled something out of pocket like gum or a pencil and a dollar fell out. I picked it up but couldn't give it to him right away , i don't remember why though. So it was maybe ten or fifteen minuets later and i handed him the dollar telling him that it had fallen out. That's when everything started. All of a sudden Andy was making a huge scene, pretty much screaming, being loud enough for the entire class to hear him. Among the things he was saying was, How dare you still my dollar and have the audacity to give it back, Shes so bad at stealing she returned what she took.  For the rest of the year he told everyone that i stole his dollar. People not to trust me because i took his dollar. Really i honestly can say that Seventh Grade I hated Andy so much, i couldn't stand him.
My last year in middle school my best friend came into my class, she was friends with Andy so we hung out alot together. That year i found out that Andy was funny and what use to make me   hate him now made me love him, as a friend. That year Andy became the only person i talked to. We skipped class together to go to tutoring which ment sit in the library for an hour and talk. Its weird that in one year the person i hated the most at school became the person i depended on the most.

Later i'll talk about him and i now.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Crazy Mind

I think that most people will think that I’m some crazy weirdo girl after I say this, because just thinking it makes me think so. But nonetheless I will tell you guys what is on my mind.

I live in three worlds.
The first is my crazy, wild and fun world. At night, during the day and morning I think about what a wish my life could be. This life is one where I party, drink and just be wild. I imagine myself hooking up with tons of random people, because in this world that seems to be the norm. When I imagine this life I see myself totally different than I am now. Here I have confidence, and don't care what others think of me. When I imagine myself living like this I don't think I wish I could, I just do whatever I want.

The second dream or world I live in is a place where I am very much like myself only better. I don't think about partying till all hours of the night, but I think about having that one guy who loves me. The guy who doesn't mind the times I want to say home and just watch TV, the one that will let me just stay with him without having to have sex, or do anything I don't want to do. In this fantasy I am funny, smart and outgoing. Able to keep track of the world and my on goings. What I think is most important is that here I have friends, real friends. The kind that actually talk to you or invite you to do things.

But of course I live in the third and most boring world. Here I am as self conscience as possible. The girl who never speaks out. At school I don't allow for my voice to be heard. In real life I am the girl who has nothing to do on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday night. How pathetic is it that all I do is sit in my bed and come up with fantasies of how I wish my life was. The few people who I do call friends I only talk to at school. By that I mean I have one friend who I sit and eat lunch with and that is the only time we talk.

I think I’ll write another post later because there are so many things I want to say.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Horrible Post Sorry!

It’s been about four days since last posted but it feels like I haven't written in forever!
So right now I have really been having some hair issues. Ahh I hate that I even said that because I sound like such a girl. My dumb hair, its brown but a pretty shining brown and it has a curl and wave to it. The problem is that, that curl/wave doesn't always work so basically everyday my hair is just a big mess of brown frizz. Really I like my hair but no one else does, it’s because every girl at my school does their hair and it looks perfect but I could care less, I mean if nobody would say anything about my hair I would be fine. Deep down I like that I don't have average straight hair. Blaah I just realized how dumb and boring that whole Paragraph was, the whole point of talking about my hair was to say that if I could I would die it red. I love a bright red hair, it just makes people stand out and that’s what I think I want.

Next August I turn 17 which means that if I have my parents consent I could get a tattoo. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted a tattoo on the inside of my middle finger. A lightning bolt. I know that if I wanted my mom would let me because basically she is the worst mom and couldn’t care about what I did at all. Yeah I know that most kids would love that but its weird that my mom makes fun of me because I don't go out and drink or sneak out to go to parties or clubs like she did when she was my age.

Last thing, today I went to an old book store and I found a Go Go's record. I hate that I didn't get it, because it was only four dollars. Vacation, is what I found but I found it on accident because I was looking through the B's for the Bangles and the Go Go's was there. But I put it back at the last minute because I found out that my dumb mother gave away het record player just a few months ago without telling me or asking me if I wanted it. So from this point on I am going to be looking for an old record player.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Game

So last night i went to my homecoming game, right away i saw one of my friends, thank God, otherwise i would of been walking around like a total loser. So i was standing near the entrance for a pretty long time because i was waiting for my other friend. No really my first friend was waiting for her and i just stood there. But the part that i has been dreading was seeing kids from my old school. which of course happened I heard my name called and when i looked backed there was the guy i had liked for three years, all through middle school. And all i did was turn around and smile. What was i suppose to do, I don't think he slowed down, like he wanted me to go up to him and say hi or give him a hug, and he wasn't coming to me. Lets call him Danny. He had hes head shave pretty short which made his head look funny but just seeing him made me rethink about all the feeling and things i went through in middle school with him. I hated and i liked him when i was younger. He was the meanest kid to me, but maybe i didn't care sometimes because i thought somehow he liked me. For three years i watched him jump from girl to girl, all the girls liked him, because the was hot and had really pretty eyes. But i remember the times we played together or joked around. Him and I playing made up games in PE. But everything changed the last semester of eighth grade, he and all my other friends went to a different school and never did i talk to them again.
So last night he had a girl with him, but i didn't see her face because the was on this left side and looking forward. So this morning i turned on my computer and facebook stalked her, using my fake facebook account. Danny's girlfriend, they just started going out, but when i looked at her pictures i thought that she wasn't pretty or cute, Her face is so pointy. Really if heis girlfriend was prettier i wouldn't be so made because he never told me he liked me and i always thought that was because girls at our school were prettier than me and that made sense to me but now that hes dating someone not better looking than me think worst of myself.

Question- does anyone know why when i write a title for my post it changes into hindi or some weird symbol langauge?

Friday, October 15, 2010

dull week

Im so bored, and out of the ten blogs a follow no one had posted a new blog in forever. So I decided to post. There isn't much new news on my side. yet i think i can write a long blog about nothing. Well tonight is my schools homecoming, this is going to be the first football game i am going to go to this year. The reason i don't go to the games is because if i go my mom goes and my family which means they might see how much of a loser i am at school. But tonight i will be going, my biggest fear is that i will see someone from my old school and that when i get to the game i won't see any of my friends.
I am now sixteen and i still don't drive. I haven't even gotten my permit. the problem is that if i did drive i would be forced to run errands for everyone in my family, pay for gas, pay somekind of insureance, and most important I would probbably have to buy my own car.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

PSAT and Exchanges

Tomorrow I go back to school, auhh! Even though I've been on break since Thursday and I don't go back till tomorrow, which is Wednesday, i haven't done any of the work i was suppose to. No instead I have been wasting incredible amounts of time watching entire season of shows, reading a plethora of blogs and going on YouTube. The worst part is that tomorrow when i go back to school i have to take the PSAT. I hate that I didn't study for it or even practice on the practice test that i was given. What am I suppose to call that test. If the PSAT is the practice SAT, then is the booklet i was given the pre practice SAT. While no matter what i call it, i didn't even open it. Some parts of me just want to give everything up. I wish that nothing mattered, that I didn't care what people thought of me. But unfortunately my entire life has been lived according what i think people are going to say about me.
About me wanting to go to Bristol or at least somewhere in England, I signed up on this exchange student website, called UkStudentExchange or something like that but i haven't received any info, or contact. How much would it suck if that website was just a scam. That's what i am really worried about, that if i finally go through with the entire exchange process and it turns out that it was just a scam and i lost all my parents money. Which is another problem, exchange problems are so expensive and i know my parents won't be able to pay for it unless a got help or a deal. But I should just stop thinking about it because October is going to end soon and that is the deadline for most exchange programs I think. I figure that the best time for me to go on an exchange would be my second semester of junior year, but I suppose that I could always go senior year, even if that means i miss all the fun, bonding, and events that would happen. Wow that side-note ended up being mush longer than i meant for.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


Today i finally went out and got a laptop!
I love it, its so pretty. My new computer is a Sony vaio.
Now I hate that now that I am able to write whenever I want I have nothing to say. So now i hope that I will be able to write a whole lot more and hopefully get more followers. I want to upload some pictures but i lot both my cord to charge my camera and the cord to connect it to the computer. Blah! I think I need to read up on blogs, because so far mine is shit.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

September ends

Five things have been in my head for about a month now.
ONE- I think I like a new boy. Of course he most likely doesn't know who I am or how to say my name, but I think he is cute no, maybe he's hot ? Really, I don't know how to say this but when you first look at him, he doesn't have that look, but for some reason I like him. Maybe it’s his short curly hair or that he’s tall, probably it's his incredible body since he’s a swimmer.

TWO- Last week I finished season four of skins, loved it and I can't wait for the new season to start which isn't until January, which means since I’m in America I'll never get to see it, AHHHH! Second Generation review, overall I love Naomi, and Freddie, maybe effy. I hope the next generation is good because I really miss seeing basically the lifestyle.

Three- Since my last post I’ve been thinking that I want to be a foreign exchange student sans the exchange, I guess. What I mean is that I don't want another person to come live at my house because I don't really have a house that I stay at all the time. Of course, that place I really want to stay at is Bristol, I know that it sounds dumb,, because the reason I want to go there is because skins is filmed in Bristol. But just thinking about it I get excited. The problems I have are, how do I tell my parents, I think I missed the deadline to go second semester, will I be able to afford it, and should I really just be going to Bristol. Maybe France or Italy would be a good choice, but I wouldn't be able to understand the language which is rally the whole point of doing a foreign exchange program.

Four- If I went to Bristol, I would without a doubt audition for some kind of role on Skins. Granted I am scared of what my parents and family would think if they knew what kind of show that was but they don't know me and I would do it if they promised never to watch it.

Five- I WANT MY OWN LAPTOP!!! For some reason my stepdad gave my older sister a brand new laptop that he has had for a couple of months but never used. Really? Forever I have been saying that I want my own laptop and all I was asking for is some money to buy one, not for my parents to buy it for me but just to pitch in. And now they just go off and hand my sister a beautiful laptop. It’s so unfair that I work the hardest out of my sisters and yet both of them are always rewarded, I get the best grades, but that doesn't matter to them at all. So hopefully when I get my new laptop I will be able to post every day.

Some new shows I have been watching
Friday Night Lights

Labels: , , , ,